How is that possible!?? Intentions. When you chose to express whatever emotion it is you are feeling, next time ask yourself, in what way am I expressing it? What does that mean? Let me give you an example.
For example, let’s say you are dating a “special someone”, and much like any relationship, there are times when you things are going so well you feel like you’re walking on cloud nine and there are times you could really just give your partner a good ol’ knock on the head and you start to question, “Why am I with you again??” Either way, let’s imagine you two get into a fight. No matter the topic, you are angry and frustrated and all you want is to understand each other. There are different ways to express your feelings of anger. Here are a few examples:
#1 Are you so angry that you feel like no matter what you say, it doesn’t matter, it’s not going to change anything, so you shut down? Next thing you know you’re having an out of body experience, watching yourself stare off into space as your partner is talking at you, and you think, “Why does this always have to happen to me” or “I wish I were invisible”?
#2 Angry is angry is angry, ain’t no way around it. You’re going to do whatever it takes so that partner hears exactly what you’re trying to say and nothing is going to stop you until your partner agrees that you are right. Next thing you know, your partner start to show signs of #1 and you haven’t exactly won the argument, but you interpret that you have. A few months later, you no longer have that special someone.
#3 You’re angry, but you start taking responsibility that you feel that way, but, you start to forgive your partner by rationalizing their behavior, like “Well they must be having a bad day, so that’s why they are the way they are.” You do this in order to release that anger and begin to get past the argument. And even if it helps the argument in the moment, in the long run, the original issue creeps right back up.
#4 You understand that it is all about your partner and that no matter what you feel, their feelings come before yours. So what happens is, you spend a lot of your time and energy in helping them overcome whatever emotion is coming up for them and that whatever outcome your partner desires is what you will do because they come before you. Next thing you know you’re falling into #1, #2, and or #3 because all you have done is put your partner first.
#5 You understand why you think and feel the way you do and you understand that your partner has the way they think and feel, but instead on focusing on who is wrong or right, you focus on how you both and can grow together. Next thing you know you’re always walking on cloud nine and your relationship is stronger than ever.
So next time you have an argument with your partner, ask how do I want to show up?
Understanding how you are expressing your emotions is the first step to sexiness. Decide if reacting in the way you currently do is constructive or worthwhile? If the answer is no, then commit to becoming aware of your reaction, then decide what reaction IS constructive or worthwhile.
What’s sexier about a partner: giving up the need or want to be right about everything, to want to understand you, and learn how to grow together OR a partner who tries to control the relationship by making everything about them?